police yourself

Aston. I don’t know what I’m going to do about that boy. I knew what I was getting into when I decided to let myself fall in love with a Gemini, but still— sometimes it’s hard not to have a “are you fucking kidding me?” look on my face when he says the mindless things he does. He seems to have an easier time opening up over the texts and IMs we send when he’s away for work, but when he comes home he turns back into his awkward self at times. Granted, he is a computer programmer for [insert computer company that every single person in America knows of] and the stereotypical nerd in all ways, glasses and khakis included, but every now and then I wish he could pick up on the few subtleties I drop. 
It still amazes me how we ended up together… you’d think the supernerd extraordinaire wouldn’t find himself with the tattooed, pierced and mohawked hipster that works for one of the leading cosmetology institutes in the country (aka my job kind of FORCES me to be trendy… not a fan, but work is work), but I guess opposites attract in the strangest of ways. 

Last night was the second time we made love (emphasis on made love, not fucked), and— like the first time— it was by far the most beautiful thing I’ve done, and— like the first time— it reminded me of why I refuse to die. That boy saves my life in ways he will never understand. Even knowing there’s someone like him in the world is enough to keep me going some days. 
While he was in the shower I opened an outside pocket of his luggage where he keeps the receipts for the hotel, wrote “I love you” on a small piece of paper—maybe as large as your middle finger— and stuck it inside. I’m thinking of starting a small timer to see how long it takes him to find it. I’m sick of the elephant being in the middle of the room; we’ve all but said it, we’ve talked about saying it and agreed that we’re ready and we want to, but for some reason we didn’t get around to it this weekend. Fucking bummer. So! I’m taking the initiative. We’ll see how this goes. 

I’m painfully aware of the fact that I don’t understand how anyone could not fall in love with him. 

I should try to sleep.