the ocean in my chest

Jude, what would I do without you?
You put up with me, and I don't understand why.
I didn't love you at first, and it took me a while to give you a chance, but I'm so glad I did. Forgive the source of my plagiarism, but I love you not just as a womon loves her partner, but as one person loves another that they simply cannot do without.
What do I want?
What I want is right here with you.
I don't care if we're as poor as we were last summer when we scrounged up all our pocket change to find we had $2 to our names, so we smoked the last of our cigarettes and got ramen; I don't care if we're as depressed as we were in those sweltering nights when we held each other and cried until the sun came up, mourning our lives even as we lived them; I don't care if the rest of my life is a repeat episode of the night before last, crying as I had to ask you to stop because the hormones in my birth control had banished all whispers of desire from my body; I don't care if our lives are falling apart even as we scramble to pull the seams together; I would give everything and anything for you.

I hope you know the gravity of that statement.
Everything. Anything.
I would give up black nail polish for you.
I would give up black lipstick for you.
I'd give up fishnets and combat boots and Jack Off Jill and Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer and horror movies and cigarettes and being vegetarian and safety pins and movie theatre popcorn and opera and Muse and VAST and Lord of the Rings and Sherlock Holmes and loligoth and Repo! and Unter Null and dancing in my underwear and cutting and orgasms and corsets and Jeff Vandermeer and World of Warcraft and my mohawk and Ambergris and wild hair colors and my piano and my guitar and all my notebooks-- all for you.

I WOULD GIVE UP SPOCK FOR YOU.

...I hope you know the gravity of that statement.
because, as much as Edward seems bent on accusing me of being a liar, this is true.

That night at your brother's place when the rain pounded the pavement outside.
The first time we crashed at Stoddard.    ....I was surprised to find myself slightly heartbroken when I woke and you weren't beside me.
Making fun of each other as we tried on clothes at the vintage store.
The beach.
Getting lost in the woods after we watched the sun rise.
The first time you held my hand-- it was our first real date, the new Star Trek movie. How fitting for us :)
Staying up and watching Next Generation every night.
Baking snickerdoodle cookies in my kitchen.
"Baby, I'm an Anarchist" playing in your car.
Our first "couple talk" in the Kroger parking lot.
Laying in your arms when you tried telling me you loved me... I finally just blurted it to you, I'm so glad I did.

...and all those times you've fingered me while driving in your car.

These things keep me going when the days get to be so long, when I get so tired and I don't know how to go on.
Your smile is the most beautiful smile I've ever seen; knowing it's waiting for me when I get home is all I need.
You mean it when you say you love me, and that is worth everything.
everything.